The Healing Power of Words for Others & Ourselves
Every day, we speak thousands of words. Some are forgotten the moment they’re said, while others linger in our minds for years. A single sentence can build trust, heal wounds, or inspire confidence. But words can also do the opposite as they can tear down, humiliate, and leave lasting scars.
In Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: How to Choose Words Wisely and Well, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin explores the profound impact of language in our daily lives. He challenges readers to become more aware of how they speak, showing that simple changes in communication can lead to stronger relationships, better self-awareness, and a more positive influence on the world around us.
This isn’t just a book about avoiding negative speech, it’s about learning to harness the power of words to uplift ourselves and others. Whether in personal relationships, workplaces, or casual conversations, Telushkin provides actionable strategies to help us think before we speak and choose words that heal rather than harm.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Rabbi Joseph Telushkin is a well-respected author, lecturer, and ethical thinker. His books often center around themes of morality, wisdom, and Jewish teachings, but Words That Hurt, Words That Heal extends beyond religious boundaries. It’s a book for anyone who has ever struggled with the impact of words whether it’s gossip, criticism, or self-talk.
Telushkin’s writing is straightforward, engaging, and filled with real-life examples that make his points hit home. He doesn’t just tell us why words matter; he shows us through stories, reflections, and practical exercises that make us rethink the way we speak to others and ourselves.
HOW THIS BOOK HELPS PEOPLE
This book is an eye-opener for anyone who:
Struggles with conflict in relationships due to miscommunication
Feels guilty about words they’ve said in anger or frustration
Wants to break free from the cycle of gossip and negativity
Hopes to cultivate more kindness and thoughtfulness in daily conversations
One of the most compelling aspects of this book is how Telushkin challenges readers to reflect on their own habits. He even offers a powerful 24-hour challenge: Go an entire day without saying anything negative about another person. Sounds easy, right? Most people fail within the first few hours! This exercise forces us to confront how often we use our words in ways that don’t serve us or others.
KEY AREAS
1. The Power of Negative Words
Telushkin explores how criticism, sarcasm, and gossip can deeply wound others. He shares an example of a woman who gossiped about a friend, only to later realize how much damage she had done. When she asked for forgiveness, her friend responded, “I forgive you, but I can’t make others forget what you said.” This highlights how damaging careless words can be—once they’re out there, they take on a life of their own.
2. Words That Heal: Encouragement and Affirmation
Just as words can harm, they can also heal. Telushkin provides real-world examples of how simple affirmations can change someone’s life. He shares the story of a teacher who told a struggling student, “I believe in you. You have a brilliant mind.” That student later became a successful doctor, crediting those words as a turning point in his life.
3. Gossip and Its Hidden Dangers
One of the most thought-provoking sections of the book is about gossip. Telushkin explains how even seemingly harmless conversations about others can contribute to a culture of distrust and negativity. He challenges readers to not only avoid gossip but also to actively stop it when they hear it.
He even offers a fascinating exercise: Think of the last five conversations you had. How many involved talking about someone who wasn’t there? It’s a powerful way to become more mindful of how often we engage in gossip without even realizing it.
4. How to Respond to Hurtful Words
What do you do when someone says something cruel or thoughtless? Telushkin provides strategies for handling painful conversations, such as:
Pausing before reacting to avoid escalating conflict
Clarifying intent (sometimes what we perceive as hurtful wasn’t meant that way)
Setting boundaries with those who repeatedly use harmful language
WHY THIS BOOK MATTERS
We live in a world where communication is often rushed, emotional, and—even unintentionally—harmful. Social media, text messages, and emails make it easier than ever to say things without thinking. Words That Hurt, Words That Heal serves as a much-needed reminder that our words shape the world around us.
One of the most touching takeaways from the book is this: If we all committed to using our words more thoughtfully, we could create relationships, workplaces, and communities that feel safer and more compassionate.
MY FINAL THOUGHTS
Reading Words That Hurt, Words That Heal is a wake-up call to the incredible influence our words have; on ourselves, on others, and on the environments we create. Telushkin doesn’t just offer theoretical advice, he provides real, practical ways to shift our communication toward kindness, thoughtfulness, and integrity.
What stood out the most is how small changes in language can lead to profound shifts in relationships. A moment of restraint before speaking in anger, a sincere compliment offered unexpectedly, or the decision to disengage from gossip. These choices shape the way we connect with others and the energy we put into the world.
If there’s one takeaway from this book, it’s that words are not neutral. They build or break, soothe or sting, connect or divide. By choosing them with care, we not only improve our relationships but also contribute to a world where people feel seen, valued, and understood.
So here’s a challenge: For the next 24 hours, be mindful of your words. Speak with intention, listen with presence, and notice how small shifts create meaningful change. You might be surprised at the difference it makes.
