Healing Through Forgiveness: Insights from "Forgiving What You Can’t Forget"

Forgiveness. Just the word can bring up so many emotions—relief, fear, anger, even exhaustion. If you've ever felt like forgiving someone was impossible or wondered why you should even bother, you're not alone. In Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, Lysa TerKeurst dives into these feelings with honesty and vulnerability, offering readers both a comforting hand to hold and practical tools to move forward.

This book isn’t about brushing pain under the rug or offering easy answers. It’s about real-life hurts—betrayal, loss, broken trust—and the complicated, messy process of healing.

About Lysa TerKeurst

Lysa TerKeurst isn’t just an author; she’s someone who’s lived through the kinds of heartbreak that can make forgiveness seem like an impossible dream. You’re recognizing this author from our previous blog The Art of Letting Go: A Practical Guide to Rebuilding Trust with Lysa TerKeurst on her book I Want to Trust You but I Don’t. Lysa pulls from the pain of infidelity in her marriage to deep betrayals in her personal life, Lysa doesn’t speak about forgiveness as an abstract concept. She’s been in the trenches.

What makes her writing so powerful is her relatability. Lysa talks to you like a friend over coffee—someone who gets it, who’s been there, and who wants to walk alongside you.

What You’ll Find in This Book

Have you ever replayed a hurtful moment over and over in your mind? Maybe you’ve thought, “Why should I forgive them when they haven’t even apologized?” Or maybe the hurt feels so overwhelming that the idea of forgiveness feels out of reach.

Lysa knows these feelings all too well and addresses them head-on. The book focuses on several key struggles:

The Lingering Grip of Resentment: Why does it feel like your hurt has a life of its own? Lysa explains how unresolved pain keeps us stuck and how forgiveness can break its power over us.

The Difference Between Forgiveness and Reconciliation: One of the most freeing truths in this book is that forgiving someone doesn’t mean letting them back into your life. Lysa uses her own story to show how boundaries can coexist with grace.

The Power of Faith in Healing: Lysa weaves in her spiritual journey, sharing how she leaned on her faith to find the strength to forgive.

Real-Life Moments from the Book

One story that sticks with me is Lysa’s description of standing in her kitchen, hands shaking with anger and heartbreak, as she stared at her husband’s texts confirming his infidelity. In that moment, forgiveness felt impossible. How do you forgive someone who shattered your trust?

She doesn’t shy away from the rawness of her emotions. She writes, “Forgiveness isn’t made easier by pretending the hurt didn’t happen. Forgiveness is made possible by remembering that grace was never meant to be fair.”

Another poignant moment comes when she talks about walking into her counselor’s office, desperate for answers. Her counselor challenged her to write down the lies she believed about forgiveness—like “Forgiving them lets them off the hook”—and replace them with truth. Lysa shows how doing this helped her reclaim her emotional freedom.

Practical Takeaways

This book isn’t just stories—it’s packed with actionable advice. Some of the most powerful suggestions include:

Naming the Hurt: Lysa emphasizes the importance of naming exactly what you’re forgiving. Saying, “I forgive you for…” allows you to face the pain head-on and take back control.

Processing Pain Through Journaling: She provides journaling prompts like: What would you say to this person if you knew they’d listen? What part of this pain are you afraid to let go of?

Leaning on Scripture: For readers of faith, she highlights verses like Ephesians 4:32 (“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you”) as reminders of the bigger picture.

Why This Book Matters

What makes "Forgiving What You Can’t Forget" so impactful is how it combines raw honesty with practical hope. Lysa doesn’t promise that forgiveness will be quick or easy. She doesn’t pretend that forgiving someone will erase the pain or guarantee reconciliation. But she shows how it can set you free.

This book is for anyone carrying the heavy weight of resentment, anger, or unresolved hurt. It’s for the person lying awake at night replaying the betrayal, wondering why they can’t move on. It’s for anyone who’s been told to “just forgive” but feels like no one understands how hard that really is.

Lysa’s message is simple yet profound: Forgiveness isn’t about the other person; it’s about you. It’s about releasing the grip your pain has on your life and stepping into freedom.

My Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever thought, “I want to forgive, but I just don’t know how,” this book will meet you where you are. Lysa TerKeurst doesn’t offer quick fixes, but she offers hope, and sometimes that’s exactly what we need to take the first step.

Forgiveness is a journey, and "Forgiving What You Can’t Forget" is the guidebook you’ll want to keep close as you walk it.